Divorcing a Drug Addicted Husband

The University of California has uncovered that couples struggling with alcohol or drug abuse are more likely to divorce than other couples. This should come as no surprise since drug addicts are hardly efficient workers, doting fathers or loving husbands. In fact, their lack of coordination, mood swings and excessive anger bursts make them too difficult to handle and capable of bringing the family down with them.

If you have been considering divorcing your drug addicted husband, the following lines are for you.

“Should I Really Take Such a Big Step?”

Most women stay in their marriages because they believe that they can fix their addicted husbands. However, you need to understand that this is one task you can’t handle. The addict will only change when they want to and not because they noticed that their spouse or children are suffering. In fact, it will be hard for him to see your pain since his mind is foggy due to drugs. That aside, your addicted husband will change when he reaches rock bottom, a limit only he knows.

Now your husband may consider you asking for divorce as a sign of reaching rock bottom. Therefore, he may change his ways and successfully complete a drug rehab program. However, if he doesn’t take action, you’ll be doing yourself and your children wrong.

To help you decide if you’re ready to take this step, ask yourself the following questions and answer them truthfully.

  • Have you come to terms with your husband’s addiction?
  • Did you confront your husband about his problem?
  • Do you feel that your life has turned chaotic since your husband’s addiction started?
  • Have you tried helping your husband fight his addiction?
  • Did you attend counseling together to break his habit?
  • Have you faced serious negative consequences due to your husband’s addiction?
  • Have you arranged for an intervention?
  • Are you willing to leave?

With the answers of these questions, you should determine whether or not you should file for divorce. However, if you still have faith in your husband, you can separate for some time and force him to undergo a rehab program before you come back.

Steps for Divorcing Your Addicted Husband

Sadly, not all ultimatums work out, which is why you may end up getting a divorce after all. If you’re forced to take this measure, here are the steps to handle this civilly and without affecting yourself or your children.

Step 1 Get Legal Advice

Your husband has chosen to cheat on you with drugs, so there is nothing he can do to regain your trust. He may try to coax you into staying and promise to stop. However, if they have tried undergoing rehab before and didn’t pull through, you have no reason to trust them. Therefore, hire a lawyer and have them deal with your husband instead.

Step 2 Get and Be Prepared to Give Support

Divorces are emotionally draining and the fact that you’re dealing with an addict makes it even harder. So, get the support of your friends and family. If you decide to go without, you won’t be able to provide your children with the strength they need to overcome this ordeal. However, in case your friends and family decide to shun you, you can go for therapy or start anonymously blogging to vent out pent up feelings.

Step 3 Protect Your Money

If your husband has been leaching off your bank account to fund his addiction, you need to start separating your accounts and protecting your money. Those funds will help you and your children until you get back on your feet. Also, protect your credit score since your husband may try to steal your identity and cause you harm.

Step 4 Look After Yourself and Your Loved Ones

Divorce is a difficult time and people tend to delve into depression and embrace addictive habits of their own. So, grow strong and ensure that you and your children don’t end up following your husband’s footsteps due to your misery.

The Bottom Line

Deciding to divorce your drug addicted husband should be your last resort after you’re done trying to help him get better. However, don’t delay this for long or else you and those you love will suffer worse consequences than ending a marriage.

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42 thoughts on “Divorcing a Drug Addicted Husband

  1. Anyone that stays in a relationship with a drug addict or alcoholic is enabling them to some degree; at the very least, they are signing up for more pain and heartbreak. If the addict doesn’t get sober there is no hope for a healthy love relationship…Good points made in this post.

    • I am 27 years old and have been married for 2 1/2 years but foe the past couple of months I have felt like I live in a nightmare my husband is a functional heroin addict has spent savings and in major credit card debt I gave him an ultimatum he leaves for rehab or I leave 4 weeks later he went came home 2 1/2 months ago and relapsed 3 times I know of this is not used recreationally but to hide issues that go way back we have no children and share a home I am at a point where i can no longer live this lifestyle and want a new drug free start please give me advice if you have been in a similar situation or any advice at all

      • My husband has been a somewhat functioning addict for over 3 years now. We have no children but do share a home. I keep hoping that things will get better, but they don’t. I finally asked myself if he got better would I trust him again. The answer was no. I couldn’t see trusting him with anything and most importantly I would never trust him with a child. Life is so short and you only get one shot. This is not how I want to spend it. So I have moved out and plan on filing for divorce in the next month. I love him and will always love him, but I’ve realized the man I married had been gone for a while. It’s time to focus on me and I hope you can realize that you deserve more out of the one life you have. My prayers are with you.

      • I have tried everything. Now my kids will suffee, financially it only gets worse and worse. I could not trsist the person that was sorry between all the falls, i just could not let go of him. Today i knew i could have prevented this if i left long ago, that might even have been better for him 2 and def better for my girls. I was also the person that said it is possible he will stay clean, there are exceptions. Get out before its to late, you will find somebody that loves you, and that ia trustworthy. Love cant cure a addict , i believed that lie for 2 long and i regret it. I still live him, but no more.

      • I’ve been married 4.5 years. A year in my husband began abusing oxi and eventually heroine. This past January I filed for a divorce after I had tried 2 marriage counselor a and 3 treatment programs. Divorce is hard, but staying in the dangerous living environment was too much for me to handle. I don’t regret my decision because I realized I deserved more than that.

  2. The addict can have an addiction for years with relativiley mild negative effects; but once it starts affecting the mind, it can deterioriate very rapidly. Waiting until the disease has progressed to this point and adding the mandatory wait periods imany states have after the petition for divorce is signed is a recipe for disaster. Are you willing to take this risk? I had to live with my ex after his mind deteriorated to a point that he threaten to stick a knife into me… then he was the one who called the police and lied; then the police told me that if they had to come back, they did not know who, but someone was going to get arrested. My attorney is suggesting I don’t leave the house; the police says if you are in danger, leave the house; you are sill married to this person and are legally tied to this person. If you are rolling at night debating whether to divorce or not consider the risks of waiting until the individual is a danger to yourself, your family and/or to him/herself.

    Also, this article talks about protecting money; sometimes if may be necessary to freeze the assets until the divorce is final’ an addict under the influence can go out on a shopping spree of thousands of dollars once the word “divorce” is uttered. My ex-husband, who wouldn’t pay more than $12 for a pair of shoes and live frugally his entire live gambled away 100K in less than a week. By the time the judge signed the papers, there were 80K left of $260K that were availalble… some gone in legal fees… but most given away to Las Vegas casinos; exostic dancers and prostitutes… my daughter’s education… our house.. none of that mattered to him.

    The non-addict spouse may want to act based on moral or religiuos principles; but the first priority should be to protect the loss of assets, especially if children are involved .. and you are protecting your addicct spouse from her/himself…otherwise they can go expend it to force you to stay because they believe you won’t leave the father of your children homeless….. I feel spouses of addicts do not get enough information on the financial picture they may be faced with… and if they do; they may believe it may not happen to them; or they may believe if they take action, that might provoke the partner and want to keep the divorce proceedings amicalbe… … it is better to prevent than to hope; the morality of your actions are judged by your intentions to protect your children and to protect yourself so that you can continue living your life and not end up in poverty after your spouse gambles or in a drug or alcholo haze, expends all of your savings. It is comtempt of the court to expend after the papers are served; my ex still managed to get a 50K credit card debt… I was not legally responsible but it gave him a motive to fight to get more money. It is ture that some couples have been able to live after addictions… I was hoping to be one of them; went to 12 steps, went to therapy, had my husband in therapy… in the end; we ended up divorced; assets gambled away; and he is still an addict.

  3. My husband had a predisposition to drugs and alcohol abuse. He watched his father drink himself stupid and abuse his mother. When we met he had never done drugs or even tried alcohol due to all the traumatic things he witnessed growing up. He and I married at 18 and he began working as a mechanic/tire changer. One of his coworkers offered him a Percocet to give him a boost of energy to turn more work. That was the beginning, all it took was one 10 mg pill. At first he took them every few days and eventually he had convinced himself that he had a back injury and needed the pills just to function.
    On or around our two year anniversary we found out I was pregnant. We were both so excited at first. Then he became less attentive, staying out until late and when he was home moody and hostile. He had never ever laid a hand on me and to this day has not but the emotional turmoil was just as taxing.
    Our beautiful son was born and the night I had him he left the hospital to go get drugs, I was devastated. I would give anything up for my child (I quit smoking cigarettes the day I found out I was pregnant) but he obviously didn’t feel the same way.
    I made every excuse as to why he does the things he does….awful upbringing, a back injury, depression. At the end of the day he was addicted and nothing but himself could get him to stop. At this point he was taking 30 10mg Percocet a day if not more.
    We have been married 5 years now our amazing son is 3 and unfortunately is realizing his daddy is not normal. He doesn’t play with him or spend more than 5 minutes a day with him even though we all live in the same home. He stopped working about two years ago. He couldn’t hold a job, he is so high most people think he is drunk.. stumbles and mumbles and cant keep his eyes open.
    He joined a methadone clinic and has stopped using Percocet but all that happened was exchanging one drug for another. He may not be spending as much money but he still acts like he is high or to tired to function. I keep my son from him unless I can supervise. This is not fair for any of the parties involved.
    I always believed divorce to be any easy way out. I was wrong! I feel: alone, beaten, down, exhausted, used, and obviously stupid. I gave him everything only to receive nothing in return. I unfortunately have not filed yet because I still feel like I owe him something, the whole in sickness (addiction is a disease) and in health.
    I know others have dealt with the same or a similar situation but the “woe is me” effect takes over sometimes. It would just be nice to talk to someone who has experienced this awful lifestyle.

    • I am going through the same thing. I am so sick of all the drugs, lies, the stealing, everything. I have had it. My 2 yr old son and I deserve better! I spoke to an attorney and plan on filing for divorce the beginning of the week. I have tried everything to help him. I am in the same place I was 6 years ago when we got married. All the promises to change and to live a clean life was all a lie! I can not waste one more day living in this hell of a marriage!

      • I feel the same way. I’m going to try to file for divorce on my own without a lawyer. I can’t afford it. But my kids and i deserve a better life and I’m determined to get this done now.

        • Nicole,
          I feel you! I was with my husband for 20 years! I believe he was using coke at first, I would confront him and he would deny it even when I found baggies floating in the toilet, so I let it go. We have a daughter and about 10 years into the marriage I couldn’t take the jekyl and hyde behavior and I was always very short to pay the mortgage. I would ask where all the money was going and he would get nasty and say I have no business asking him that question. I told myself If I can just find proof that his addiction was worse I could confront him. My intuition was right and it lead me to the proof! I found a bunch of baggies in the center of a toilet paper roll with paper stuffed on the ends. It had 50 tiny baggies in it! I confronted him and he still denied it was his and Swore on our daughters life! Yes! you know when a drug addict is saying such things and spending several thousand dollars a month there is a huge problem! I felt hopeless and sick of it! I told his parents that he had a strong meth addiction as well as porn (which go hand in hand). I flew a man in from Iowa to do a intervention, it was expensive and brutal. Me and six other family and friends spent the night at my house confronting him and he admitted everything and more! He took off after an hour and then came back in the morning. He said he would go to rehab! yes! Well the next day he turned on me again because reality was hitting him. I left him in Newport Beach where he would stay for 6 months! He lasted 2 days, he got kicked out because he wouldn’t comply! This was horrible for me and my daughter, we were devastated! He came home and I stayed home with him day and night for 6 months and things were good, so I went back to work and so did he. Immediately I knew he was back on the Shit! My intuition lead me to his tool box where he had many bags of drugs hidden under the plastic lining. I kicked him out and he left for a week! He came back, I couldn’t stop him as he was a bully and I hate confrontation! We lived under the same roof for years without speaking or personal connection. It was uncomfortable and it got worse because he turned into the victim, got fired from his job, etc. He was a monster, and finally my 17 year old daughter said mom, lets find a rental! Dad won’t move, so lets go. A foreclosure was so worth never having to live with him! He accepted full responsibility for the demise of the marriage and said he didn’t blame me and that he wouldn’t do anything to hurt me, my daughter, or my business. Well, he lied, he filed for divorce first and demanded spousal support because he the loser couldn’t hold a job! I got ordered to pay his loser ass spousal support indefinitely. Two and a half years later he has accrued 100k in attorney fees and the house was just auctioned. He is a lying piece of work. Drug addicts are lying salesmen and convince people that they are the victims. I say run like you are naked on fire! Drug addicts rarely get better and your families happiness is worth the change. Move on and be happy, you have no idea the breath of fresh air it is to be in your own place without the Monster! Good luck!

          • I have been reading all the comments and something about the words “hire a lawyer stuck with me” me and my husband have been together for 12 years and he has been on drugs off and on but this go around it is worse. I always thought if I prayed hard enough that God would deliver home threw it but it has gotten worse. I’m tired, I talked begged, cried, threatened, put him out, I left, etc and I just can’t take it anymore….hire a lawyer is the only thing I did not do.

    • My husband is on suboxone and who knows what else. It was pills, meth, subs. Then meth, subs and now both. And he had a prescription for the subs. I’m sick of this rollercoaster.

      • My husband went to the methadone clinic and also bought pulls off the street. I even suspected him of using crack. I ended up kicking him out of the house and filing for divorce a couple of weeks ago. He did decide to go back to rehab but only after weeks of “running a muck”. I wish him all the luck in his recovery, but I am still going through with the divorce. I feel I can breathe again. I have stopped worrying and stressing about his every move, and I am now focusing on myself. I know I have a lot of hard times ahead of me while going through with the divorce, I just hope I can stay strong.

    • Wow! All I can say is that’s been my life for quite sometime and I have a two year old. Reading your post choked me up. Mine is in a 90 day rehab and I’ve been through it all and seen it all. I’ve just completed chapter 7, he’s had another vehicle taken away, I’m living with my son at a family members house thankfully. But we have exact stories. I would love to speak with you and we can support each other. I feel like I’m the only person this is happening to. I’m dragging my feet divorcing him too but after his call last night I need to push forward. He’s got one more month of rehab left then a sober house for two months and his little deman list is growing. It rocked me to my core. I need to get rid of him and I see divorce is the next step. We’ve been battling his addiction together since 2009 and my son since he was born. This is just killing us. My husband showed up at the hospital drunk when I was on early bed rest. How embarrassing. I feel everyone’s pain here. What a great find this site was. Good luck everyone. Keep the hope. ️xoxoxo

      • My friend, all I can tell you is you can’t make someone change that does not want to. You have to think about yourself and your future. Pray to God to give you the strength to do what you need to for yourself. Keep praying and don’t stop! God bless you and I will be praying for you. I am ending a 5 year relationship with a drug addict. I tried everything possible, and now it’s time to live my life without fear and anxiety!

      • I’m 21 yrs old my husband is the same age and we met in high school, I now have 2 kids and 1 on the way he is addicted to crystal meth. We live with his parents which dnt hide the fact they don’t want us ( at least not me) living there . I hate it I feel like I Cnt trust him with my kids in fear that he might smoke in front of them. He has “tried” to stop but he hasnt iTs been ovr a yea that he hasnt working to Stay and “help with the kids” but hates dealing with them. I wanna leave but I dnt know how…..

    • Your post from a year ago about yoir addicted husband just brought me to tears. I know what you’re going through all too well. My husband has been gone since may and we’re just now beginning a legal separation process. This has been such a difficult process with so many hoops to jump through. At this point, I wish I had just gotten divorce papers when I got the separation papers but I still had hope. I have been with him on and off for 12 years. First baby after 6 years. Married after 9 then baby #2. You think you’re stupid. Ha.

    • Alana,
      Parts of your post sounded exactly like my life, except that my husbands drug of choice is meth. With us, things were mostly fine until I got pregnant 2 years into our marriage. Progressively he started going out more, disappearing for days, getting snappy, hanging around a new crowd of ‘friends’, missing shifts at work, whole pays blown in one night etc. It was only luck that he was sober the day that our baby was due so he could be with me in the hospital. Then he went out to ‘wet the baby’s head’ that night and didn’t come back to visit us for 2 days.
      Fast forward 10 months, he has gotten worse. He goes out most nights and sleeps most days, spends absolutely no time with our son, has lost his job, severely depressed, and is just not what I would consider a sane person anymore. I don’t feel safe being around him, so I left 2 months ago and am living with my parents – because I couldn’t kick him out of our house even though it’s in my name and I’m the one making morgage repayments on it. I live in fear that he will ruin my house or commit suicide (there have been several threats), but for my baby’s sake I won’t be in that environment.
      I can’t offer any advice, but I know what it’s like. The first thing that I did when I decided I was too exhausted to put up with all the drama anymore was to tell all my family and friends what was going on. I guess I was an enabler and was suffering in silence for so long. It felt great to stop covering for him, and everyone has been so supportive and helpful. Also, separating myself from the situation was great because it was a reality check. When you live with an addict, all kinds of crazy behaviours become ‘normal’, even though you know they aren’t. Living outside of the drama gave me a real wake up call and I can’t believe how I was living!
      All the best in your struggles, stay safe and do what you need to do. But get support, there are many people out there in the same situation.

  4. What do you do when your drug addicted husband is also mentally unstable? Every time I speak of divorce, he threatens suicide and beats himself up. If I leave, he has nothing. I’ve been supporting him for a couple years and without me, he’s homeless. I love him but I can’t do it anymore. I just worry he will hurt himself or me. I have no happiness with him anymore. It’s an everyday struggle.

    • I thought the same thing. I bought a townhouse so we have two places. Now I can’t get him to leave our marital home. He’s holed up in my house that I’m paying for and have a loan on with his new addicted girlfriend. I can’t get them to leave or stop doing drugs. I’m going bankrupt paying for him. He won’t sign the divorce papers. He’s just going to keep consuming my assets until the court finally stops him but that takes time. I wish I had had a counselor before I made any decisions. I didn’t realize how far it had gone and how little he cared until it was too late. Now he is threatening a protection order against me because I’m apparently horrible to ask him not to use in my house or gave addicts there. It’s a nightmare.

  5. It breaks my heart to read all of these comments and know I am going through the same exact thing. Sadly, my husband and I are only 23 years old. We are suppose to have our whole lives ahead of us, but unfortunately it seems that will not be the case. My husband is addicted to xanex. Has been since he was about 16. He has cleaned up several times but always relapses because he has an anxiety disorder.. He uses that as his cop out. We have been together almost 4 years now but only married for about 2. In the two years we have been married, he has relapsed about 5 different times and each time things get harder and harder. None of my family or friends know of his problem and me always having to put on a brave face is wearing me down little by little. He’s tried rehab and we’ve done marriage counseling and it seems like things click for maybe 2 weeks and then it’s all back down hill. I love my husband but this is no way to live, for anyone. I feel like I am at a dead end road with him. He drinks and takes pills every single night and then wakes up in the morning not remembering a thing and thinking everything is fine. My heart is absolutely broken and the reason I keep on staying is because I believe if I left he would try to kill himself and I could never live with myself after that. I know I would blame myself for the rest of my life. Faith and prayers are the only thing keeping me afloat at this time.

  6. My husband is a crack addict and in the five years we have been together, he has continued to use. He went back on Facebook and reaches out to every female he can. He is a “Christian” and plays that angle. I have tried counseling and he has been in halfway house. I can’t do anymore and he is a very twisted man. Time to move on.

    • Are you still with your husband? I’m going through similar situation. Please contact me back I would like to know what you do?

      • Hey guys I wrote an earlier message on here and I chose divorce when I tell you it was the best thing i could have done! ADDICTS never change unless they are truly sober like you and I ! I feel like a bird let out of cage! When I was with my husband I was lost and unhealthy! I seeked therapy before and after divorce and I strongly suggest that it’s good to speak with someone and it does help! Now I am back to myself it took almost a year to feel back to being me and I remember that I love myself too much and will never look back!

  7. I am in the same boat as the rest of you. It always seems strange how the stories are so similar. We have two kids ages 6 and 4. I made him leave about 4 months ago and since he had been traveling for work, we decided not to tell the kids until after the holidays. He has since lost his job, no surprise there, and now he wants to work things out. I’ve been through this so many times I see though his lies. I refuse to be his safe haven and his enabler. I need to get the divorce filed because I am afraid of being liable for his debts but I am also afraid of the courts giving him some parental rights. He goes through periods of being sober then out of nowhere he starts popping pills and it goes bad quick. If he gets any kind of custody of the kids I’m scared that they could be hurt or even just exposed to things that I have protected them from while we were together. I have been gathering proof of his addiction and he has had legal trouble but I’m not sure what to expect. I’d like to hear what others have dealt with.

  8. My husband is an addict, for the last few years he only steals my medications. Altogether it’s been going on for so long, I can’t even talk to the people who know me about it. It’s embarrassing to put up with this for 11 years.
    He says I am giving up on our family, that I am so negative and being selfish, only doing what is best for myself.

    What kind of evidence can I gather? The medicines are mine .. I keep them locked up but he always finds a way to sneak in and steal them.

    Will I be poor? I work 46 hours a week now, but the pay sucks. He maintains a decent job, idk what to do ….

  9. My husband lost his job 6 months ago, since then he has been going through a hard time, depression, sleeping all day long, mood swings, happy to angry in a snap of a finger. He doesn’t want to find a new job as he wants his own business (in the industry I am in so I have all the know how, but he has been sleeping for 6 months instead of trying to make this work. I left with my 2 small kids 2 weeks ago, only to find out he has a drug addiction – now all the sleeping and mood swings makes sense! I feel so betrayed and lied to, a bit of an idiot for not seeing it. I knew he used recreationaly, but nothing like this – I feel like I have been going in circles of broken promises and tears. I want to leave him but I feel guilty, he makes me feel like I am a terrible person and wife, I am scared if I leave he will die of an overdose and I feel sorry for the kids. We are drowning in debt and I actually can’t even look at him I am so angry.

    • Oh honey, I am in the same boat! I kicked my husband out in December when I found out he was a meth addict, he’d been using for years! Now all the crazy behavior makes sense. I can’t believe I didn’t know and I feel like a fool because all the signs were there. Same things as your situation, lying, cheating, stealing, lying more, not working, debt, more lies… and he still doesn’t seem to get what he’s done to our family. I feel so broken. To be betrayed like this, so deeply in every way by your spouse, it’s heartbreaking. I have filed for divorce and will move on with my life and in the meantime he hasn’t spoken to our girls in 6 weeks. I hate to say it but we are better off without him.

    • I was in the same place at almost the same time. How are things now? My life had gone to hell in a hand basket. It’s extraordinary how quickly the lies unravel once you uncover a loose thread in their stories. I discovered my husband had been living a double life for nearly 2 years. Spent over half of his retirement since the time he was laid off. No job. Now he is after my retirement savings. It’s so sad because the person he used to be was so wonderful but the person he is now is truly a monster. He is so angry with me that I don’t want to pay for his habit. Our friends don’t talk to him anymore. His so called business is just an excuse to drink and get high with “clients”. I did the move out thing… and now I can’t get the house back, in spite of the fact I’m the one paying for it. Get out of the marriage while you can WITH ADVICE from attorney and counselor! Protect yourself! A man who can save himself will do so… and a man who is addicted, like my husband, will care about the fact that he is losing you if and only if it interferes with his ability to use.

  10. I am 27 years old and have been married for 2 1/2 years but foe the past couple of months I have felt like I live in a nightmare my husband is a functional heroin addict has spent savings and in major credit card debt I gave him an ultimatum he leaves for rehab or I leave 4 weeks later he went came home 2 1/2 months ago and relapsed 3 times I know of this is not used recreationally but to hide issues that go way back we have no children and share a home I am at a point where i can no longer live this lifestyle and want a new drug free start please give me advice if you have been in a similar situation or any advice at all

  11. I too am dragging my feet with divorce but I know it’s gonna have to happen some time. I have been married to my husband for almost six years and he is totally out of control with his addiction. He also is an alcoholic. I’m so tired of his lying and cheating it’s sick. I’m mad at myself for still being so involved in his every move because it just makes life so chaotic. We have 5 children between us (14 and under) and is devastating what he has put us all through. I want to move on from him and be happy for my kids and it is an emotional roller coaster that I just want to get off!!!!

  12. I have been married 18 years. When I met my husband he never did any type of drinking or marijunia. I was raised in a very strict Catholic family and was very trusting. I should have known right there when he lied about his age. He starting smoking and drinking and not coming home from work right away (about 10 years into Marriage). Sometimes he would be out til all hours, not answering his phone. We have a business and due to some of his behaviors he has caused us financial ruin. I have a good job, thank god and for a long time I was working so many hours. He would tell me I was neglecting him. About 5 years ago he just took off to Amsterdam to get his weed fix. But since I have kids, I tried to hold on. Finally, I found out he got arrested and I could take no more. I told him to leave. I cannot file divorce yet because of our business which he has slowly started to rebuild. Last week I found keys to a closet and when I opened it I was blown away. There were like 10bongs,books on weed, empty containers that I know had weed in it. I confronted him and he said it was no big deal. Now I do not want the kids to stay with him. My 18 year old can decide but it is my 14 year old I’m worried about. Can anyone please offer some input. He makes me feel like its not a big deal and that I am a monster for accusing him of being a junkie or alcoholic.

  13. Living with an addict is a nightmare. 23 years of marriage and 3 kids and I am left with no choice but divorce. This is the second time filing, the first time I was gone 3 months and believed every promise he made. Only for it to get 10 times worse, just like everyone said that it would. I have been desperate to keep our family together. He has done methadone, suboxone, cold turkey only to get worse with each relapse. Methadone and suboxone was only legal substitutions for opiates, it changed nothing. I feel so alone. It is embarrassing to talk with other people who have not experienced this lifestyle. He also throws fits when faced with divorce/separation. Stalks, calls, begs, yells, you name it. I feel like I am dying. I see no light at the end of the tunnel.

    • You are not alone! Your heart says one thing and your head another. Friends and relatives try to be a support but they just don’t understand. The best way I’ve heard it put is leaving an addict is like leaving a cancer patient in the middle of the woods. They are sick and I know they chose it, but you remember the person you married. You hope that person will come back and you get glimpses every now and again. The reality is that your life is forever changed. You have to ask yourself if they got better, would you be able to trust and love them again. Or would the resentment carry on till the next relaps. Only you can decide that. You only have one life. Is this how you want to spend it? That’s for you to decide and I know you deserve more.

  14. My husband and I have been together 8 years now. We have a four year old daughter. He has been addicted to pain pills for a few year but I just found out that it really glad all the way back to before we got together. He spends all of his money on pills and when I ask where did your money go? He says its none of my business. He has been sent to rehab classes in jail. He says since he got put in that he has learned his lesson and don’t plan on doing any of this again but I don’t believe him. I have been thinking of leaving him for a while but I don’t know if I should? This will be his third chance to prove he has changed for our family. I want to leave cause I know it will be better for not just me but our daughter too. She has seen the way her daddy is when he is high and I don’t like that she tries to copy him. I’m tried of making up excuses for him on why he is acting this why. It’s embarrassing and I hate being around him when he is like this. Would I be wrong to leave him after all he has done to us?

  15. I understand, I have been married to my husband for 8 years. We have known each other for 19 years & have 3 beautiful children together. He’s on meth, maybe a couple of other drugs as well, he’s just not the same. Trying to love someone on drugs is like like loving a ghost, they’re there but they’re not really there. When you think you can help change them and hold them to their word to change they slip right out of your arms & into the same routine when they don’t want to change. They may love you & the children buy they are no longer in control, the drug is. I realized I was arguing with meth after a while because I knew that was not my husband. I decided to divorce because my children don’t deserve that type of life, seeing me worry, not sleeping at night, drained….. when I’m around him I have to hide money, what kind of marriage is that? Yes through sickness & through health. …but after all of your efforts of standing by your spouse & enduring that kind of pain WHAT ABOUT YOUR HEALTH, YOUR BABIES HEALTH? there’s a limit, there’s boundaries. I thought I’ll be just as crazy as he is, my poor babies….. what would life be like for them? I’ve never tried drugs & never had a desire but letting my children see their father in & out sleeping all the time, not working arguing with me is just as bad. No he’s never put his hands on me but the mental abuse is just as detrimental. I feel so much better now that I choose divorce, I feel like you live & you learn, im thankful I know what I know now but I will not stay around and endure this with my children. …….they are watching. I had to think am I being selfish trying to hold on to this poisonous marriage, will my children resent me for this? If their father wants his family he knows what to do…… you can’t continue to carry dead weight. It hurts so bad but God can heal me & my children over time & be happy that i listened to his voice so he can help me, protect us & guide me with rising my children. I’ve been in this marriage hoping,praying for a change for so long that I almost didn’t know what it was like to feel peace. I can’t wait to get to the other side of this tunnel to reach that complete sense of peace for my children & I. Divorce may change him, it may not but for now I know the drugs is in control & that’s not my husband, I have to move on with my children.

  16. After 13 years of being together and 10 years of marriage, I am finally leaving. My husband is a crack addict and has been abusing drugs during the entire relationship. My son and I deserve more. He has been at an inpatient facility twice and tried outpatient treatment for two sessions. I am tired of the moods swings, job losses, cheating, lying and emotional abuse. Reading about other women’s experiences gives me strength and hope. I have located an apartment and plan to file for divorce next month.

  17. Hi I am in a similar situation. So hard and draining.

    I have been with my husband for 4 years and his drug of choice is weed. Many people say that’s no big deal but, it is.
    I married him right after my divorce from first husband and was severely depressed. I know now that our match made in heaven was a rebound thing and it’s terrible.
    In the last 4 years the courts have placed a no contact order on him from my 4 beautiful children from my previous divorce.
    My hubby and I have 2 year old daughter and 1 on the way. Its so confusing at times.I don’t want to go through another divorce but the weed has gotta go permanently.
    I want and need a clean Christian life and being married to him is such a huge weight on my shoulders. Please give me advice and help. I am at the end of my ropes and his moody behavior is scary at times.
    My 4 kids want nothing to do with him and it pains me cause when he doesn’t smoke he’s a real good father and husband.
    I lost custody due to his anger outbursts of my 4 other kids and being with him has caused me to “Look” unfit because I’m still his wife.
    My hubby has been sober in the last 4 years just for 1 year out of that and steals my money and is such a liar! I don’t trust him anymore.
    Please anyone out there give some advice.

  18. I am busy going through a divorce because of him using. Its tough as hell but worth every day of getting up and seeing my three kids with smileys on their faces as they now have stability and a MUCH more relaxed mommy. I was a wreck for 6 years and now after about 6 months of being without him, I am starting to feel myself creeping back into my body. I was always waiting for that bomb to explode, finding straws everywhere, E-mails to and from other girls, calls from my friends and family saying that he tried to start a sexual conversation with them, always struggling financially….rehab, therapy, all the jazz and bull that he told me and I bought in order to “save” something that he already sniffed away years ago. Its a very difficult road as love will always be there and I also have days where I doubt myself….but if you fight for something that the other person doesn’t want to fight for with you, you start fighting against that person. Each and every story here sounds like pieces from my past….be strong and let go, if not for yourself then for them and your kids! And if you are afraid that he might OD or commit suicide, just remember that they are using drugs……OD and suicide is a daily worry, even if you stay!

  19. My husband and I have been married 27 years. He has been doing drugs since I met him.
    Now it is crazy. He got on pain pills a few years ago, now takes suboxone. He is now doing coke, pot, and suboxone. He told me he wanted to borrow money from me to start a business. Later I found out there was no business. He spends his entire paycheck on the day he gets paid. I have been paying all the bills for many months now. He says that is ok since he paid most of the bills when I made less money. It is not ok. I also believe he has a very young girlfriend who he puts up in an apartment and bought a car for her also with the money he “borrowed from me for his make believe business”. I have done coke in the past, very little. I don’t do it anymore, but since I have done it, he says “what about what you have done”. I cannot talk to him at all. I filed for divorce. He wants me to tell him about every penny I have and I cannot because I don’t trust him. The money he borrowed from me was money that I was saving to pay next years income tax bill. I have my own business and this money was for the taxes on my business. It is all gone. I am in shock that he could do this to me. It is unbelievable. I feel like an idiot. He is actually angry with me because I will not give him any details about how my business is doing. I am very angry with myself for being so stupid and at him for all the lying and cheating and drug abuse. Don’t ever marry someone who does drugs. I never thought he was capable of these things.

  20. I have been with the same man for 11 years, we have 5 kids, and he has battled every drug addiction there is during this time. First heroine and now meth and he has been to rehabs multiple times, overdosed numerous times, visited many jails, and had long-term prison sentences twice, and he is currently on parole and using as much as he possibly can. He has never helped me with the kids, paid any bills, etc and he is currently out of his mind yelling at me every chance he can get.

    Everything is a lie. That is my best advice; run as fast as you can because drug addicts don’t change, they don’t care about anyone but themselves, and there is no reason to try and help people that don’t want to help themselves. Yes those addicts that do change deserve that chance, and it can happen, but it normally doesn’t until the addict themselves want to change and I do not think it is the responsibility of a wife to stay in an unhealthy situation, because the kids or any sober people involved, are deserving of a better quality of life.

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