What Can I Do if My Husband Is a Drug Addict?

There can probably be no more hellish situation than being married to a drug addict. Addiction is like having a monster move into your house or apartment and start dictating exactly what will happen there. A drug addict husband basically has chosen the use of drugs over the needs of his wife and children, and every woman who is dealing with this situation must face this uncomfortable truth eventually. It’s irrelevant whether you are dealing with an alcoholic or a user of street or prescription drugs – the behavior will basically be the same.

Yes, addiction is a disease, and in many cases a treatable one, but it is also a very destructive one, and the longer that the addict is ‘allowed’ to use drugs, the less chance there is that the household will ever be normal or happy. Any woman who is married to a drug addict will have to take steps fast if she ever hopes to have a normal life for herself or her children.

Is a Normal Life Possible with a Drug Addict Husband?

The answer to the above question is ‘No’. Whenever there is an addiction problem, everyone in the home is affected in one way or another. However, you are not alone, there are approximately 23 million addicts in the country, and a considerable number of them are husbands and fathers.

There is no way to sweep the addiction problem under the rug and hope that it will go away or be disguised enough to ignore. However, when you take this approach to the problem, you become the enabler – the person that allows the drug addict to continue his destructive behavior. There are a number of ways that a drug addictive husband will disrupt a household:

  • Money that would go to food, lodging, medical expenses, and clothing can be spent on drugs instead. The drug is the center point of the addict’s life.
  • A cognitively impaired driver could cause an accident, resulting in injury and/or damage to himself and his vehicle as well as to others.
  • The drug user is inevitably in a downward spiral – the use of the drug will only increase as tolerance is built up and more of the drug is needed to simply maintain some equilibrium.
  • A drug addict’s household is often chaotic. The addict often does not keep regular hours, may skip work, or become verbally or physically abusive.

Rehabilitation

Rehabilitation does not just refer to the drug addict husband; it also refers to the wife and any children. Drug abuse and addiction is not discreet, it affects the entire family. At some point, the wife must make a conscious decision to face up to the husband’s addiction and try to do something about it.

Addiction can turn the nicest person into a manipulative liar, and when the woman decides that it’s time to enforce some positive changes in the family she should be aware that her efforts will most likely be met with resistance.

  • The addict will often deny there is any problem at all, that everything is under control and that he can ‘handle it’.
  • The wife will often be blamed for the addiction, the husband will say that she wasn’t supportive enough or didn’t understand him.
  • If the wife seems serious, the addict may promise to clean himself up. The addict will often resist seeking treatment.
  • Counseling will often be spurned, but often this is the only way to get the addict pointed in the right direction.

Addicts will always seek to rationalize their addiction or deny it. If a wife is serious about helping her husband to become drug free and making a normal life, to begin with she must be firm in her conviction that a change is needed. She must also stop ‘helping’ him in his addiction by covering up for his work absences or lack of participation at family gatherings. She must never make excuses for him.

Treatment and Beyond

Although addiction is a disease, it is a singularly damaging one. Treatment programs can often help a drug addict husband to stop using drugs, but it will usually take more than one course of treatment for success to occur. If the addict agrees to a treatment program, so much the better, but it should always be remembered that unwilling participants in these programs (taking treatment because of a court order or ultimatum from the wife) very often have a better success rate than those who enter voluntarily.

The best thing that can happen is that the drug addict husband will undergo treatment and be cured and a normal, happy family life will ensue.

However, the wife must always be prepared for the opposite: no amount of treatment, pleading, or threats has any effect on the addict and there is no hope in sight for the situation. In this case, it’s time for the wife to think of herself and her children. Children who grow up in a home where addiction is present are more likely 8 times more likely to become addicts themselves. In order to save herself and the children, a trial separation is in order.

Many times, separation from the family is enough to jolt the addict into taking treatment seriously and family life can be carried on. For those drug addict husbands who will not or cannot change, the only answer will be divorce.

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31 thoughts on “What Can I Do if My Husband Is a Drug Addict?

  1. I am a victim of a ex drug addict partner he was the love of my life my best friend my soul we shared 3 kids 2 mine 1 his we had so much cars boats business but sadly lost the lot no amount of trying could I save him nor could his family my friend now ex friend took him in homeless paid all his debts while I went bankrupt and suffered a broken heat it’s been 5 years now mind you we always fight but end up seeing each other behind her back he cries to me pours his emotions to me and feels so safe near me she trapped him with kids a desarsteous wedding she buys him controls him his not allowed a key card nor money I understand she has to to keep him from drugs I’m great full he is clean he tells me it wasn’t her he tells me he lost a good thing me and our kids she is evil she is controlling him to the point he can’t answer his phone to kids while she is around it turns to shit my heart and head are telling me different things I feel I will be with him again one day my love for him is sincer I can feel it he tells people he had it so good with me but can’t go home he has a new family now people say you had a family he replies with yes but I know there ok and I miss them but I can’t go home to them my life is with the new family I feel he respects me enough to know maybe he is not fully recovered he was not only a drug addict but also an alcoholic and a massive gambler I like think he has changed but I know he still pulls the grog hard and a poke at the porkies here and there I am certain he is recoverd from drugs though I’d love to think but what hurts most is he dose so much more for his new family than he did for us it doesn’t help she has brought him everything over again expensive cars boat new business all the stuff we lost to repo she won’t let him have friends he is slowly rekindling with friends but she won’t allow it it’s family time or no time and he is bowing down to her iv asked him to come home but he chooses that life over me and let me tell you we had a magic love for each other iv never been so lost pls help

  2. My husband is a drug addict and we are seperated atm. He is unwilling to seek help saying he is able to kick it on his own but i dont trust him. He is being really sweet and kind and wants me to come home and i feel guilty staying away when he tells me he needs me there to get clean. I dont believe he will change though cause we played this same game a year ago and his habit became worse. He makes excuses about seeking help. I dont trust him and i dont want to go home but he wearing me down. please help me if you can.

  3. I have been married for almost 12 years to a drug addict. I try to make myself believe that it is not my husband who has literally turned my life upside down. I keep saying it’s the drugs. After so many years, I know that they are one and the same. I cannot even tell my story because I’m still here, going through the same chaos day on and day out. My husband is charming and smart. But mostly he’s manipulative and always chasing something. Pills, women, porn… We can never get ahead no matter how much money we have. We are always on the verge of the next catastrophe. Two years ago, he was mixing alcohol with pills and was completely out of control. He made my life miserable and then got extremely vindictive when I left him. To make a long story short, we both had a mountain of legal issues to overcome because of his addiction. I was able to get and keep a good job, but he could rarely make it 6 months on a job. At one point, both of us ended up in jail because of him writing checks in my name, pawning things that didn’t belong to him, DUI, you name it… Every car we had got repossessed. Police knew our address and hated us. It’s too much more to go on. After he went to jail, I took him back and we relocated for a frag start. Well, of course, here we are again. More legal trouble, another woman, more porn, more drugs, more financial trouble, still can’t keep a job. All because I make him to do these things. He says he went with the other woman because I treated him bad. The kicker is, she’s a drug addict too. He started supplying her with pills for her migraines, her toothache… Anyway, that us heartbreaking enough. I just don’t know what us wrong with me. I believe that my leaving him will send him in to a quick and deep downward spiral. But if I continue to stay, I will continue to be miserable and looking over my shoulder for the next shoe to drop. I feel hopeless and depressed and spend most of my days pretending that I don’t feel this way. We have two children together and I’m trying to keep things normal but I feel like I’m going crazy. If I take them and leave I know he will make it his life mission to ruin my life like he did last time. Even though we own our own home, we have moved several times in the last couple years because of nonsense. I don’t want to uproot them again. I can’t write anymore about it. I hate seeing my life written out. Again I ask, what is WRONG with me? I do not do drugs, I am a professional person and I know the difference between right and wrong. Why can’t I just leave?

    • I read your post today and my heart breaks for you but if you havent already you HAVE TO LEAVE HIM. The drug abuse, lies and legal issues are one thing but the other women shows a massive sign of complete lack of respect and he is using you for your money, Kindness, ability to help him fix his problems and to put a roof over his head. Do not allow yourself to waste one more day of your life being disrespected and used… cut him off and get out while you can and you will find happiness in the future. My partner and i have been together 11years, there has never been another women but he has another love which is cocaine. Like you im a proffesional and pay all the bills because he spends all of his spare money on cocaine. Im 6 month pregnant with a 6 yr old child and he is not showing any sign of change or wanting to change so hes moved out and im going it alone. Im terrified and i miss him. He is the love of my life, my best friend and my whole world but i cannot allow him to expose our family to this lifestyle. He had a problem last year n we seperated and he came back but was still using and hiding it until after i fell pregnant with our second and discovered he’d spent our savings n took out secret loans. you only get one chance at life-part of me hopes he will change but he told me today he doesnt think he can and if he does he has to do it alone because he cant face letting me down anymore. I need to stay strong and value myself and my kids enough to let him get on with it and let me move forward… if in 6 months he changes and wants me back then great but if not at least i wont have had 6 months of worry, drama, disappointment, shame, paranoia, mood swings and an empty bank account. You must find the strength to step away and build a life for yourself you deserve and stop letting him hold you back

      • Thank you so much for your advice and your comment. I am trying desperately to get up the strength to leave him. Every day (especially when he’s high), he makes it a point ot tell me why it’s my fault that his does this or that and I that I need to take a class on how to cope. He thinks I want a fairytale life. I told him that I want a normal life, but he says that this is what I deserve. We just got evicted again because he tried to fidn every reason NOT to pay the rent (lights not working, washing machine broken, etc.) The fact that he let his family get kicked out on the street with no where to go further lets me know that he does not care. I hate his touch and his smell, but I also feel responsible for him. Some of the NA people say that it’s just like having cancer- would you leave your spouse if they had cancer? I get it and I want to be a good wife, but how much can I take? My credit is ruined to the point that I couldn’t even find us another place! We ended spending over $2,000 on hotels because I refused to have my children in some unsavory hotel just to save money. I hate my life with him. I’m going crazy and don’t know how to stop it.

    • C.
      Wow, your story sounds exactly like mine. I was with my ex-husband for 12 years and we had one child. I wrote my story as a memoir, Hope Street, which was recently published. I want to tell you there is hope. I was able to get out of that relationship, in debt, with nothing but my things but I was able to get through it all. I am remarried to a wonderful man and have 2 more children. I have the life I never thought was possible because it felt like my addict and con artist of a husband was holding me down. It was a long process and many relapses, cheating, ups and downs but it finally clicked for me and I realized I did not want that life anymore, even if it meant standing alone, on my own two feet. If you don’t read my book, Hope Street, please go to my blog at addictionblog.org and search coaddiction, I have a host of free articles that may help you. It can get better!
      Best,
      Amanda Andruzzi

    • What you are going through is so hard I totally understand. You may have been told this by now but you’re experiencing codependency. Believe it or not this dependency can be harder to treat an addiction to alcohol or drugs. I too have suffered with codependency. It’s debilitating.did you grow up with an alcoholic as a parent or a narcissist?very often if you were raised by an alcoholic or an addict or narcissist you’ll end up marrying one.if you haven’t already I would recommend going to Al Anon getting a good therapist and getting some books on codependency and that’s how you can heal yourself.you can get through this if you haven’t already and get rid of this guy cuz he’s not going to change you need to know that you deserve better. God bless you

  4. I knew Something wasn’t right when I was living with my ex. He would come and go when he pleased, said he needs freinds, always behind on rent and bills, then I found he had taken all these small loans of $200 here and there. I went on his phone and found he drawn out large amounts of money out his bank, I confronted him and he saids the bank must have it wrong..pft. He could be physically and verbally violent. We had been together for almost 8.5 years. His personality and himself changed into someone I didn’t like. We would constantly argue about finances as he would never have any money left from his pay and couldn’t tell me where it gone just lies.. It got worse and worse the arguments the fights, we have a 1 year old child. One day about a few months ago we had the last argument, it was physical and verbal and made my daughter cry. That was it I got into the real estate and left. I had found out after leaving he is a drug addict. He apsolouetly Denys it of coarse. Then I find all these chatsites and porn on his phone whilst he came over to see our daughter, he had been on these for years. I am so relieved I went with my gut that something wasn’t right and got out of there.
    How could he after 8.5 years and having his baby he could do this to me, I feel gutted, sick, hurt, worthless and not good enough that drugs and porn ect is more worth having than me and his daughter. How can I trust this person I once knew , or never knew. I feel like our whole relationship was a lie. How do people move on. I think I need to cut all ties with him but I have his daughter. Then again I don’t want my daughter in the hands of a drug addict. Any advice please ..

  5. So I was reading these stories and seeing I’m not the only one that is going though hell. I really believed i was I’ve been with my husband for ten years and we have two children and one on the way and he is putting me threw pure hell these past two years I don’t know what to do he has been with two other women and drugs are like crazy staying away from home for weeks not knowing if he is okay .I’m so lost and don’t know what to do i fear for my family i need help I’m pretty young and he is to but is going hard on pcp and meth is anyone out there that can help.

  6. Hello, thank you all for sharing your stories. They are helping me realize I am not alone.
    I have been with my boyfriend for 8 years and his addiction to cocaine has recently spiraled out of control. He is untalkable and blames his drugs use on me as his family. On top of that, he has severe bipolar and has been acting out of control. No amount of love or attempting to talk sense into him helps. I don’t know what to do anymore. Everyday is a living hell for me. All his family lives very far away I am the only one he has here.
    Does anyone have experience with bipolar individuals and cocaine? Sometimes I think he needs a psychiatric hospital until he gets the balance in his brain back to normal levels, but how do I get him there without his consent?
    Thank you for taking the time to read this.

    • I noticed more emotional immaturity in my husband since he is using drugs,. I wonder if drugs make you retarded emotionally and morally and spiritually. I read that drugs can cause mental and cognitive problems. And can make the symptoms worse of existing mental health conditions.

      • Yes drugs have done their damage to my husband. He is in this stagnant stage. No emotion, barely talks, his eyes are void, just a blank stare. He has appt for an MRI tomorrow. We are separated. He is living with his mother. I take him to his dr appts. I have told him we are not reconciling. This is not the man I married and now will never be. We have been married 19 years and the last 7-8 have been bad. I’m helping him now but this too will stop soon. I loved this man but his choice to abuse drugs and break my heart was a choice he made. So now I’m choosing to not be with someone who ruined his life and almost mine. I separated our accounts years ago , sold out house and have most accts in my name. I struggled with this decision and know in my heart that God knows I tried and honored my vows. I pray for mercy, forgiveness and peace for me, him, our daughter and anyone going they this situation. Peace Be with you.

    • You can get him there if he assaults again, because then he is a danger to others and you can have him committed. They can do a 72 hour hold on him and evaluate him. It is not uncommon for individuals with substance abuse to have a co occurring disorder, where the addict self medicates because he has not been diagnosed correctly.

  7. Hi all,
    I’m so sorry to read all of these comments and can only advise to keep strong. Everyone’s circumstances are different but we are all here together for one reason. I recently lost my husband to suicide and he suffered for many years with depression which resulted in a drug addiction that spiralled out of control. I am only now finding out the extent of it all including massive debts. My husband was receiving counselling albeit he did have to wait a long time before he got an appointment. I understand completely what you are all going through and sympathise completely with your situation. Based on my experience and I truly believe I could not prevent my husband from dying, I have learnt the following. Stay strong and look after yourself. You can only help your loved one if they want help, you cannot force them and if you do, they may likely relapse. Offer your support (emotionally and physically) to your loved one so they know you are there for them. Try not to get angry and shout at them, this is easier said than done but yelling and using threatening words such as you’re leaving won’t help and if you threaten leaving and don’t follow through with it, you won’t be taken seriously. Finally, look into a book called Soaring above Coaddiction. This helped me tremendously and helped me gain back a bit of control in my life. As I say, I don’t think my husband could be saved and I did all I could to support him but his troubles were deeper than I knew. Keep strong everyone! Xx

  8. Hi! I just read these comments and I am terrified. How can it be, that you are stuck in such shitty relationships, exposing your kids to so much stress?
    I understand that it takes time to make a decision. I was in this situation as well. But: as soon as I dicsoverd that he was addicted, I started looking for a new (cheap) flat and few months after that I left him.
    We still met, and I visited him hoping that he will want to change his life, to leave drugs – but he didn´t. Our relationship has finished.
    I still love him and it´s so difficult for me to comprehend, why he chose drugs and not me. I miss him so much, but I also realise that he is not that person anymore I got to know 6 years ago. I have to go on. I left him, although I live in a foreign county, have no proper job (a student status), have a child and no family with me. Life is too short to waste it. Think about it. Addicted people do not care about anything but their drug. They live in their own reality. You are only needed as a money provider, nothing more.

  9. I did not read all the comments but I would like suggest that those of you who have not sought help yourselves do so immediately.. Alanon is great place to start, where you can get the support you need without feeling judged. We tend to want to fix or change circumstances that we can not. The only thing we can do is minimize the pain and the direct effect it has on us. Addiction is a disease but being co dependent is a problem too, especially when there are kids involved. Don’t look at what the addict is doing to disrupt your life, focus on the things that you can change your view, your behavior, and most importantly take care of yourself, if you can not find someone who can help you refocus your priorities. and take care of yourself. Taking care of yourself is not being selfish, it is a must. There are programs out there ie women shelter, support groups.Just because the addict is out of control does not mean that you have to be. There is hope but you have to decide the path you want to take.

    • I appreciate your advice; however, you make it sound like such a simple plan. I am happy for the days when nothing major is going on, but those days are few are far between. My husband is usually “normal” in the morning, but by the time I get home from work, he is a totally different person. I feel overwhelmed and exhausted. I have run out of places to hide money. My children are constantly disappointed. I went to an Alanon meeting, but I left feeling very depressed because I just didn’t hear any success stories. About a month ago, my husband broke my nose during an argument. I lied and told everybody that I hit it on a door. It was the most excruciating pain and I was hysterical. My husband took me to the emergency room and nobody questioned my story. I could have ended all of this that day, by telling the police what happened, but I didn’t. And, I just can’t figure out why I didn’t. When they took me back to get a CAT scan, I was thinking about telling the person transporting me what really happened but the words wouldn’t come out. I’m going crazy and there just seems to be no way out.

      • My heart goes out to you. I apologize if I made it sound simple, the difficulties living with someone who has a substance abuse problem is horrific. I know there are highs and lows but in general is the family walking on egg shells because they don’t want to upset the addict? You said you went to a Al non meeting and left, perhaps the wasn’t the right meeting for you, perhaps you could try another group. I think if you can be open to new things and by that I mean keeping an open mind, like go to the group again and see how you feel. Addiction isolates people and co dependency occurs and things get chaotic and you lose yourself. Your husband has already hurt you and the resentment, anger, etc builds up inside of you, then you end up beating yourself up because you feel like you did not do the right thing. I don’t know what your family situation is but if it is good let them embrace and another support system for you. If you find it difficult do it for your children. There are agencies that will help you, but it is not going to be easy and you have to make the tough decisions, ie cut him lose, stay and develop boundaries that you have to make him accountable for his actions at all times. He can’t hurt you or the kids, he has to seek help himself first, but you have to be the one to draw the line in sand and say NO MORE. In most abusive situation people will tell you to get out immediately because of the violence. It changes you and your children. If you have insurance find a therapist that specializes in substance use disorders. The only thing you can change is you. Your children deserve a happy healthy mother. Oh and the reason you did not report his abuse is because of the shame that goes along with title. I promise you that there are ways out you just have to change that thinking and draw some boundaries, life really does get better, Put your money outside of the house like in your car, garage etc. I hope that you can find the support that you need in your community as well as with your family and friends.

  10. I read some of your comments and realize I don’t have it so bad. However I am terrified of where my family will end up. My husband is the love of my life. I love him more than words can express but his problem with drugs and alcohol is not going away. I myself struggled with addiction for majority of my life. And when we met I was pretty crazy. We both were. We would party pretty hard and it was great for a while. And since we had each other it almost seemed ok. Then I got pregnant and everything changed. Even though he said he supported me and the baby he would put us in dangerous situations, by having drugs and alcohol in the house. And refused to get clean himself. It was the biggest test for me…it was so unbelievably difficult for me to stay clean. I would constantly be tempted which led to many fights. And many life moments were ruined because of his addiction…including the birth of our baby boy.
    Now our baby is 10 months old and nothing has changed. We have gone through numerous cycles of me finding his stash or evidence of use, his usual denial to acceptance to its not a big deal speech. Then promises of change that’s never delivered. I’ve even gone as far holding his drugs and moderating use (anything from amphetamines to weed to xtc). But we always end up in the same place…lies, deceit and betrayal. Why doesn’t he trust me enough to be honest with me and let me help him. I just don’t know what to do. I can’t take the lies. And there’s a layer of jealously too. Why does he get to do whatever he wants to do? Its still very hard for me but I endure because my baby is worth it, my family is worth it. Why don’t we mean that much to him. Please someone anyone…what should i do.

  11. I just gotta say this information shouldn’t be out here. I am a drug addict, and I dearly love my wife more than anything else including the drugs but I am trapped on a merry go round from hell. After she went through my phone last night she threw me out. And after reading post like this all night she decided a 6 month trial separation was in order. You people should be ashamed of yourselves. I have always maintained my finances, and done everything else right except for a problem 1 problem I have and after reading all these post from all you bitter women all night long I am fighting to save my marriage. I try to see everything from both sides I suggest you all do the same and try to get a little perspective. I am not scum but I am currently being treated like it. I’m a caring compassionate person. This started with a back injury from work. I’m a firefighter, and I was injured at work this was never my plan. It must just be so easy. Get over yourselves and realize there is blame to pass around.

    • This is a site that people can be supportive and offer suggestions on what they did to improve their lives. Drug abuse is complex and their are no easy answers, for the addict or their family. Everything you put into your body effects how and what you do. Many addicts are using drugs so that they do not have to deal pain they are feeling about something. You say you love your wife more than anything – it’s just this one problem (drugs)? Have you lied to cover up your using? It sounds like you may be in denial about the effects drugs is intruding in your life. You say you love your wife than encourage her to go to al anon meetings, you should have a EAP program available to you and then maybe couple counseling, seek out resources that support your goals. Hold yourself accountable for all your actions. You may want to look into treatment options for your back that does not include medications as well. Educate yourself about addiction, no one thinks you are scum, rather someone who has issues that need to be addressed, we all have issues however drugs do change your thinking process. Good luck.

  12. Justin,
    Please refrain from slandering people you do not know. All of the stories here are very real as is yours. What you may not understand is the other side of addiction. Regardless of your great qualities, you are hurting and so is your wife and something must be done about that. It is unfair to ask people not to be candid about what they are going through. There is obviously something your wife read that resonates with her regardless of your take on it. You should both focus on recovery from your situation, your addiction and her part in the addiction, not tear one another apart. For her, she needs distance, so she can see you get better on your own.
    Understand that addiction hurts everyone and sometimes each must do what they feel is best for them. I highly doubt your wife read these posts and that is what made her leave you. I have been where she is and. We are searching for answers and we look for what we want to see and know already in our hearts.
    Good luck with you wife and in your struggles. I was married to an addict and can only say it might be best to get better for yourself, and your wife for her and then see what happens.
    Best,
    Amanda Andruzzi

  13. My husband is a meth addict and im ready to give up.. I love him we have 5 kids!! I dont know what to do he tries to stop but ends up using again. When i was a child my father was an addict and i knew and seen it i dont want that for my kids. None of our families know when hes high he’s the best husband dad ever but when he’s coming off thats a whole nother story he’s mean and verbally abusive to me.. Like if he hates me i just needed to vent i told home not to come home anymore to stay away till he changed i dont know what will happen he gets depressed but i told him i cant anymore he is a man and can figure it out on his own.. I will stay strong this time and not give in!

  14. Hello. I fell I love with my husband. We’ve been married for almost 3yrs And I was completely blind. He had drug and alcohol problems before me. I didn’t know until we were married. He lied about it. He also hid chewing tobacco and cigarettes. I got him mental health doctors. He started abusing his pills. And lately he’s been drinking. Now he’s blaming it on me because I would get so mad at him for lying and stealing. He stoled thousands of dollars from my family. He says he loves me. He always acts like he’s a victim. He even started going to na meetings. But he stopped. He has a job. He almost left to work high I had to get help from my mom to stop him. He says if I’m nicer to him he’ll stop. He makes me feel like it’s my fault. I feel horrible for leaving him. Plus all that he has crohns. I’m the only person who has been there for him. I got into a big depression and I stopped doing anything at home. He would do everything else too. I’m afraid of leaving him I don’t want him to get worse. I love him so much. But I’ve given so many chances and warnings. He told me told today he abuses cause of me and other days he says he’s done it before we’ve met. I can’t afford to be in my own even tho my family is helping me. Thank you.

  15. My husband and I have no children together. I do have a 15 yr old son and whenever my husband does not have money to buy drugs he berates us both. I had purchased my house and only had to years mortgage left when we were married so my question is am I going to have to leave my house bc he refuses to leave

  16. I read all these posts and I can totally relate. Been married 25 years and 20 of those have been dealing w/my husband being addicted to Oxy. He likes any opiate. he manages to keep a job and do ok there but he began our marriage as a quiet man and very shy. he was going to AA for most of our dating days and first part of marriage. then he decided he could drink and then he went downhill from there. He switched to pain pills due to a back problem and that started a big ole mess. I’m at the end of my rope with his mood swings and verbal abuse and his go go go craziness. Reading these stories makes me realize I cannot help him and he is ruining my life.

  17. My husband is a drug addict too. I’m 26 years old and he is 33 , 6 foot tall and and good looking too. We had 2 beautiful children. When i 1st met him, he was a bnice person and newly established his business. He rode sport bike which looking pretty impressive, he also did stunts. Although he worked 7 days a week but still picked me up and took me on his bike to nordstromrack. We also catholic as well. So I was deeply in love with him. I met him when I was 19 , he let me use his Lexus IS 2006 , a year later he got me Mercedes CL S 500 2008 . When I got pregnant he bought me a 2012 Toyota raw4 then I have 2 child he switched to Lexus LS 460 fsport. Everything happened so beautiful last couple years but out of no where his friend came out from jail and gave him crack a little by little. Today , he became an addict our business going to collapse , houses going to be foreclosure, family fall, apart, cars will be tow away. Our relatives will laugh at him, no body will be there for him. Suddenly he became a stranger and angry everyday. He is now doesn’t care for me or our children. Where is his soul? IT feels like I’m sleeping with a person with no shadow . It’s scary , I want him back , Help !!!!! I love him no matter what but my love for him is painful. Sometimes I just want to die 1st so I don’t have to see him lonely in the corner ;(

  18. My husband is a drug and porn addict. I personally don’t even believe in addiction. I’ve done drugs and stuff in the past and stopped. I also used to watch porn too of hot guys masterbating. But never while in a relationship. I stopped drugs completely and still think about going back. But I don’t. Instead I prioritize. To me its purely selfish and stupid to put things as trivial as drugs and porn before someone u supposedly love. Especially ur kids. For me dealing with his pills and porn has been a complete manich mess. He’s such a nice guy w a great heart. But he can’t stop acting like a criminal and a con. He said he quit watching porn. Even commended himself for it. I found it he just did it a month ago from another account. He’s told me countless times he quit doing pills. And I always catch him. We’ve known eachother 17 years. Got married fast. I found out about the porn 4 months after we married when he started. And its not like I’m unattractive or don’t give him what he wants. Short of other girls or dumbshit. As for the pills again he’s supposedly quit. But I’ve caught him going to places he denies going w no explanation of course. I’ve told him that if he doesn’t love us enough to just go. He swears to stop. It’s got to the point that I feel like I need to know the truth so much that I track his phone online like all the time. And honestly I hate myself. And I don’t think he’s happy. I feel like if he can’t be loyal enough to not watch porn, not to pills and give me the truth when he’s been caught I wonder how far is cheating

  19. Well it is great if a drug addict husband doesn’t affect the finances of the family and everything seems normal.

    Your wife is the love of your life and I assume she loves you back. But why at some point, your wife decided to leave you. If your are claiming that there is no problem and everything is the fine even if you are a drug addict, not sure if you’re main reason was because of your job.

    You called these women bitter. When they are just posting their real stories of having a drug addict husband.

    I too have a drug addict husband and he is very sweet and I love him. I know he loves my kids very much that is why he wants to save our marriage, I too wants to save it. I have been trying to save our for marriage for the last ten years. But even if it is going to hurt me and my children real bad, i will have to let go. My children understands although they are only 8 and 6 years old.

    They see me working 16 hours a day for us to survive with our finances and I was doing the household chores too, my husband is aware of this. Sadly, he wants to help but can’t leave his drugs and gambling, almost all of his earnings goes to his vices. He knew I was hurting and very tired. But he just couldn’t do anything to help me through it.

    God knows I love my husband. But we have to leave him, he earns money but that is only for his addiction and all. I and my children will never get him back, although he wants to stop it, he just can’t make it. I don’t know why and he will never will. He thinks I’m a superwoman that can take care of everything.

    I’m just a human and gets tired of all the bad things that is happening. That is why we have to runaway and move on. My children is hoping, that one day they will see their daddy a fully changed man. Willing to spend time with them and helping them while growing up. And I am not able to fully move on yet (its been almost 2 years now), I still miss him. All that is happening to our lives, I know time will heal. My strength is fading but my children is helping me is some way. A little faith is my heart knowing that God will never leave us.

    I know I am not alone with the same situation, it is not easy. It is like an addiction, we knew that something is already very wrong, but we just kept on hanging on. Waiting.. Hoping.. everything will go smooth… Crazy, but yeah even get use with the whole situation of having a drug addict husband.

    But I think the only way to do it, is to find strength. It must be a real good strength and just leave. I learned that drug addict husband will never leave, it is always up to us!

  20. I am in a very similar situation as everyone else here is. My husband and I have only been married for a little over a year, however have been together for over 7 years. When we met in our 20’s we both partied and had fun. I grew out of the “experimental” phase and he did not. His addiction (which I was oblivious to for a year) was to pain killers. By the time I found out about his habit, he was already spending hundreds of dollars a day to support his habit. He sought treatment (Suboxone) and after two years he was clean. Things were great for a short period of time but then he began using cocaine. At first when I found out I was naive enough to believe him it was only once in a while, and he can control it. My knowledge on drug addiction at the time was basically non existent and assumed well it’s not physically addicting so he will be ok.
    Fast forward to present and he is using every other week but he binges. He will literally go on a three day bender with no food or sleep. He does come home each night but looks and sounds (breathing) as if he is dying. He is currently in therapy which seems to be doing nothing for him and has agreed to an ot patient rehab, although it seems he always finds an excuse to put it off.
    We did have a 3 month separation earlier this year because I needed time to think if this was something I wanted to continue to be involved in. In the end I chose him and I feel so stupid because here I am having the same problem I had before we got married.
    He’s such a wonderful, caring and kind person and I know what he can be without this problem. We never fight unless it’s about this. Everything is always so great until he has another slip up. I have offered my support in every way, but I now have gotten to the point where I feel taken advantage of. It almost seems unfair. After everything we have been through I stuck around and he continues to make me feel worthless, like I will never be more important than the drugs.
    I do not want a divorce but I can’t live like this either. I want a family but can’t bring children into an unstable relationship. I know some may read this and wonder if we don’t have children why do I stick around but I guess love sometimes overrides logic.

  21. Hi
    I’ve never spoken to anyone about my struggles in life I always cry and yell out I wish someone knew how I feel the real me the person inside who has soo much to give and happiness to share with the world I’m lost I been with someone for 10 years and I’m in hell I feel like I’m trapped and life is passing by I wish I was dead

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